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SPM Levels Hokkien Exam Paper
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Instructions:

1. Read the passage carefully
2. Grade yourself with the grading system at the end of the passage after reading.
3. Not that difficult, chin chai do lah !


Section A: Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)

Question: Singalella why become rich ?


Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella.

She got two sisters, but the stepmarder and the sisters all damn kuai-lan, so she quite zhia-lat oso.

Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become the amah.

Everyday must cook lah, clean lah, simi sai mah bao-kah-liao.

If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she liak.

Tak jit zho kah tau-hin.

EPF poon boh.

But then, kay piak eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party.

So he say, 'oeh, long chong lai ah.'

Singalella very happy because she never go party before but then her step-marder say, 'Lee Mana eh-sai kee, this one bahru lu eh sisters wu standard.'

Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and step-marder.

Tap pai how, buay zhia, buay koon and buay pang-sai.

That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and cook Maggi mee.

Her neighbour came over and ask, 'Eh, an-zhua lu boh kee party?'

So Singaalella kong, 'I-wan, lau-bu kong buay-sai, so boh pian.'

She never expect but the neighbour say, 'Aiyah, kee lah, I give you money.'

So singalella brush teef and zhang-zhui, chen-kor, after that look very different.

She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor, already 11 o'clock.

At the party, Ah Ming also quite sian because the char bor all boh sui one.

Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing.

Just as Ah Ming told himself, 'Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat', Singalella came in.

Ah Ming straight away lau nuar.

'Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah, chee kor buay pai.'

Ah Ming say to Singalella, 'eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee zho flen!'

Singalella say ok but Ah Ming like octopus, touch here touch there.

But then just it was 12 o'clock, one ah pek die on the dance floor.

He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number.

So after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak ban.

So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho sen-lee.

Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.



Section B: Grades - Gauge Your command of Hokkien....

A1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly.

Hokkien eh sai, bo beh zao.

A2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly.

zhia lat

E8. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball.

leow leow, mai ka lang kong you is Hokkien Singabolean

F9. Don't understand rating.

kee see lah, wah mana eh zhai lee kong simi?  ??
 
How To Be A Billionaire
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Wednesday, 16 April 2008

What? Oh yes, this is it... Many people strived to achieve it, but only the rare ones achieve it. But how?

Limpek presents you The One and Only GUIDE To Be A BILLIONAIRE!!!

Requirement: First, you have to be a Malay. Haha... Just Kidding...
    *** Not racist. But how true is it? You know, I know. ***

 

 
Speech by Anwar About Election Day
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Wednesday, 02 April 2008

Well, the days of Election in Malaysia has passed. I found something very funny for you all. It's a speech given by Anwar. Listen carefully to what he says... Damn funny!!! LOL



 
Malaysians ask Why MCA
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Tuesday, 01 April 2008

Malaysia Boleh!It's been a while. I have tons of things to post yet i have so little time to do it. I will do them step by step. I still have John's wedding photos to post here lah... who wanna help me do that? Aiyo... Anyway, since John's wedding day, Malaysian Government has been into it's bad times, such as their lost in 5 states to the opposition parties. Why?

Take a look at Why MCA here...


 
Up and Down Sex
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Friday, 25 January 2008
HahahaAt a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,

"Do you want to go up or down?"

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat  When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He again asked the lady, "Up or down?”

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?”

The woman replied, "Down."

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, “Up or down?”

She replied, "Up."

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"

She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown."
 
Multinational Corporation Thief
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Friday, 11 January 2008

It has been fun working in a multinational company until something bad happened recently. Have you ever have such experience in your workplace when you come to work the next day, having some of the thoughts below:

  1. Holy shoot!!! WHO TOOK MY HANDPHONE CHARGER FROM MY DESK???
  2. Where did my RM1000 go? It was in my wallet in my handbag and i hid it at a very secure place. Only some one who has done a THOROUGH search at my cube would know. Oh no... :(
  3. Who the heck took my RM50 dollar magazine from my desk? I just bought it. I feel like shoot man. Magazine also wanna steal? ** Stress, i better go enjoy another ciggy b4 i get a new mag. **
  4. Now, where did i put my folk and spoon? I remember it being the least valuable thing that can be put on my desk.
  5. Where did my 2nd handphone go? I already lost my first one leaving in on my desk. :( I really feel like crying.
  6. Hmm... It's very cold at work today... !@#$%^&* Where did my jacket go???
You will never get me!

Well, if such thing happened to you, we feel terribly sorry for you. Instead of keeping these to yourself, why not voice out your oppinion?
People, let's do something about the stealing culture at your work place.

free polls What will you do if you catch a thief who just stole your stuff almost-red-handed? (with enough evidence, eg: CCTV)
Catch this S.O.B.! HANG HER TO DEATH!!!
Report police. May she be jobless for the rest of her life! Amen.
Sack her from the company!!!
Give her a chance lah... FORCE HER TO RESIGN HERSELF!!!
I can't believe i have such colleague at my workplace. I better change my job.
Give chance a bit lah, let "her" realise her mistake. (WTF?)
Lost mah lost loh! I no money meh?
Si beh suey(Damn bad luck). Better go home and pray more often.
It's my fault, i should not have left valuable things in the toilet.
Maybe that lady thief very poor, do charity loh. Nah, take another RM1000 from me lah.

polls

For those of you who have no idea what happened, stay tuned for the featured cover story next monday. At least please give Limpek some time to work on the news lah. So I'll see you next week.

The original story goes on like this:
It was a regret that i left my h/p in the 1st floor toilet. Anyone found it could you pls return to me. Else i will get the CCTV video to look for the cupid.

Moral of the story: Have a good heart, convert the thief to be a good citizen. :P

 
Merry Xmas n Happy Belated New Year
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Thursday, 10 January 2008
Happy New Year 2008!!!

Hohoho... Merry Belated X'mas to all of you... and Happy Belated New Year...

May all of you be super healthy, super wealthy and super happy in your life, career and in everything that matters...

A seasonal greeting from HKP, Hokkien Pirates.
Hokkien Pirates
Happy New Year 2008!

 
Fxck You Grandpa
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Friday, 30 November 2007

Only let grandma do this to grandpa. No body else should imitate the stunts done in this video clip.

I hope Limpek does not get this kind of treatment when iam old... *** FXCK YOU TOO!!! ***

I love how close this old couples are... they are so *open* and humorous. Haha...

 
Limpek Landed In Montreal Canada
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Wednesday, 26 September 2007

Ok. Let's get back to the Limpek Travels topic. :)

So, Limpek and friends made it to the western side of the world. Montreal, Canada. Great. :) To be honest, Limpek has very little knowledge about the city. It is clean, beautiful and the best thing of all, the beautiful people here speaks French. Yes, FRENCH! No kidding. Bonjour! C'est la vie. Etc... 

Anyway, here's some interesting pictures I have taken. Enjoy.

BioDome De Montreal, Olympic Stadium in Montreal.
BioDome De Montreal

InterContinental Hotel Montreal, where Limpek and friends stayed.
Intercontinental Hotel Montreal

Nice tourism spot, full of horses and the smell of HORSE SHIT of course. Damn smelly. (OO) Tiuz...
In front of Notre Dame Church

Nice hangout places for dinner, lot's of people.
Image

The best of all, Beautiful Flowers in Montreal. WOW. What was that on the grass?
Beautiful Flowers Of Montreal

Stay tuned for more. :)

 
I Am Getting Out Of Malaysia
Written by Hokkien Pirates Galactic Emperor   
Friday, 21 September 2007
Malaysian Foreign Minister
Dato' Sri Syed Hamid Albar
 



http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsa/n5ctrl/progs/07/hardtalk/albar13sep.ram

I have also included a short piece of transcription from the video. You will see how our Dato' here did not exactly answer Montague's questions but dodges it very well. So well that I would give him a standing ovation.

I would have transcribed the whole thing but i do not have the patience and the interview pisses me off.

Frankly, I think we have come a long way but that does not mean we should be complacent about the issues we have today. It is imminent that our Malaysian government policies are racist and bias. IMMINENT. When asked about should Malaysian laws be changed? Albar's answer basically boils down to a "No" as a reply.

Anyway, here's what I have transcribed as verbatim as possible:

Sarah Montague(M): Dato’ Sri Syed Albar, Welcome to HARDtalk

Dato’ Sri Syed Albar (A): Thank you very much

M: is it time to change Malaysia’s laws and treat everyone the same?

A: [garble]... when you talking about looking at everyone, we are looking at nation building. The most important thing is Malaysians feel they are Malaysians. We recognize our diversity as the source of our strength, there is no need for us to change the laws, the laws has able to exercise the unity, we are able to act as Malaysia. And I think is happening. Process for Malaysian building is not a short process. We came from a very divided society that was recognized by economic functions, living in a very poor living standards. So I think we have tackled the issues....uuh in the way that will bring peace and stability at the same time people are able to share prosperity of the country. And this is happening. (what is happening??? What issues did you tackle???)

M: But there were laws that were originally brought in to help Malays who were ...basically to tackle poverty. There might have been some justification for them at some time, but since poverty has been tackled, illiteracy has been eradicated, what's the justification for treating generations old of [garble]...ethnic Chinese and Indian who has been in Malaysia for generations, why should they be treated differently now?

A: I think...erhh ...when you are looking at it from a detached point of view, you may be seeing it in that way. But if you look... [garble]…In reality, what is happening is that the economic growth of the non-Malays is faster after the new economic policy than before. The share of the economic cake is bigger, deeper and wider than before. So it is not, uh...it is not as if...you're looking at a theoretical, conceptual thing. You are looking at the realities on the ground. On realities of the ground...if you look at the household income between Malays, Chinese and Indians. Even the Indians have got better household income than the Malay. So I think...if you take it out of its the ethnic dimension, then u will see that it is the function of any government to have the less fortunate, to make sure that they divide that is based on ethnic... division can be overcome.. and I think we have done that quite successfully...
(what have you done successfully? the NEP does not even help the poor malays but has only served the rich to be richer. And the question isn't even about that, it's about WHY should non-malays not share the same privileges? I would like to see the household incomes statistics.)


M: But what...okay let's take a look at access to university.

A: Mmm...

M: Is it fair, as it, uhm as in it's easier for Malays to get into university than it is for ethnic Indians and Chinese?

A: I think the question...maybe the begining uh I think it's the same thing in UK or any country that start to build a nation when u see the disparaty, the education opportunity, what we wanted to do was to create the opportunity. How you avoid seeing people living in the rural area with less facility [garble/cut in by M] complete....

M: But you don't have the [incomprehensible], you don't have the problem any longer. It's difficult to... [cut off]

A: We do have, we have, we have...at present days it's based on merit. it is based on merit. Uhh I think if you look the university...our democralization (i didn't know such a word exists) of our...of the...education. You have to look in total. The number of students in Malaysia. I think people who see it from outside will try to aggravate the situation and say, "Whoa, there is disparity in the situat... [cut off]

(LOL...he thought he could placate her with the generic answer of malay people living in rural areas as a reason here. There are chinese and indian people living in rural areas too.)

M: But does...but but...but it doesn't just seem like people from outside are saying this; it's people within, it's the ethnic Indians and Chinese

A: I think you have to see it this way...

M: ...in Malaysia

A: I think you have to look at it this way, I think you know without getting excited about it or emotional about it. Look at it at in a fair balance. If you look in term of total number of students...of all the universities in Malaysia. There are still more non-Malays than the Malays. And this should not be an issue that divide us. I think ultimate, we have done, we have tackled all issue step by step and it's working. I think for Malaysia it is working wherever we see there is disparities. At one time the scholarships are given to Malays, the government scholarship were given to Malays now it is open to non-Malays also. So all this thing has been dismantled... [cut off]

(She asked whether it's easier for Malays to get into local universities, why don't you just tell her it's true? Even gov scholarships are given to Malays first as priority)

M: But what about government contracts? Government contracts?

A: For your information, the contracts that are enjoyed by the Chinese in absolute term, uh, non-Malays is bigger than even the Malays. If I have a piece of land that is 1 acre in a rural area, that one piece acre of acre of land may be valued at Rm10000 or is valued at 3000 USD, but we have 10000s ft of land in the urban area that will cost millions. So we do not look it tha...we are building a nation, a nation that has been less divided being recognize through economic activities now that is..now that is building on common factors amongst us. (Uhm..what does land have to do with government contracts being served to the Bumis first?? And the contracts are enjoyed by the Chinese in absolute term? I dare you to air this on national TV in Malaysia.)

M: But do you not accept that you are in danger...of...that...that there is rising resentment amongst ethinic Indians and Chinese because of this situation [she is referring to the bumiputera privileges] that's persisting when they don't see it need to persist any longer.

A: I...I think there is lot more discussion, open discussion, but they do not misinterpret that open discussion among the races as something negative. It shows the nation have reached a certain maturity. We are questioning thing that before we have taken for granted. The Chinese are looking at what more can they get, the Indians are looking at how they could improve. I am not saying that...there is no problem but for outsiders to come and tell us, "oohh, we [garble] there is going to be racial tension, there is going to be problem - NO. I think you just witness the 50th anniversary of independence. I think it is that sense of belonging and ownership. And it's up to the Malaysians to subsequently to dismantle whatever because eh... [cut off]

M: But how...but how is that ethnic Indians and Chinese feel a sense of belonging when then...right from the very top then, they can't get access to this top cabinet post?

A: Is...whose...who told you that?

M: Wh..when was the last time that senior cabinet post was held by ethnic Indian or Chinese?

A: What do you mean senior cabinet post?

M: Since 1973, the top cabinet posts - Prime Ministers, deputies, home affairs, Internal security, defense, foreign and finance, education, trade and international trade - 1973 is the last time any of those post is [indiscernible] by Malay [cut off]

A: I can argue the same way with so many countries, I can ask the same [cut off]

M: yes but we're, we're not talking about other countries, we're talking about Malaysia. Other countries can deal with the problems of their own. How would you... I mean, that is..I mean, do you recognize that as a problem?

A: no, no..[cut off]

M: you talk about sharing power, there is [cut off]

A: now ..now let, let me talk to you in the way that is most...that you do not get excited, that you do not get upset about something you do not understand. Let me tell u this, whenever we want to do something it is important for us to look at other countries. That's where we learn that's how we lead from. Democracy does not come by itself. It comes because we look at the examples of other places.

M: Okay..(You can see that by now, Montague is looking rather frustrated)

A: ...So let me say that in the case that, the most important this is, there will come a time where the Chinese, the Indians and the other races in Malaysia have accepted the arrangement, how can somebody from outside come to tell us.."oh.."

M: You mea..you mean this situation is fine because nobody is saying anything about it.

A: No no..not nobody is saying, if, if they are able to..if the opposition are, if they are able, all the Chinese parties decide to get together and to change that thing, there is nothing under the law to stop it...That why I am saying..!

M: do you not think it's a little odd that the senior post in the cabinet post in the last 30 year have been held by non-Malay..?

A: I, I don't think, I don't think so..this is a democratic system...each one of them have agreed in a coalition to work together. It is well and good for somebody to say that.... (Very democratic indeed...)

I had enough..i couldn't stand listening to Albar's bumbling dodges of Montague's questions. His explanations can be concluded into "it is the way it is in our country so foreigners should not interfere" in the midst of all the incongruent answers given. Granted, I can understand that foreigners should not interfere with a nation's policies, but the questions posed by Montague are not uncalled for. They are very valid and are exactly the questions I, as a Malaysian, would ask.

Quoted from another reputable site.

I want to get out of Malaysia now more than before, after watching to this interview.

 
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